The spork...clever utensil combination, or downfall of the human race?

What is wrong with the world today?  This question has been asked countless times, and the responses which have been given are as varied as those who gave them.  And, after much contemplation, I (Zuri Sophilia Walker),  have an answer for this most pressing of questions. It is not any of the common evils— global warming, deforestation, or even angry circus clowns.   No, it is much more unsettling than zombies, angry bears, or receiving Pepsi instead of Coke.  The true culprit is so terrifying, so villainous, that it is scarcely brought up in any conversations.  What is this most horrible of antagonists, you ask?   None other than....the spork.  I know what some of you are thinking. "Why would this Zuri address a problem of such sensitivity?"   In short, I believe it is my duty to arm my loyal readers as to the dangers of this fiendish utensil.   For example, the prongs are so miniscule they can barely grasp the food one attempts to put on them.   And, they are most certainly not suited for liquids!   Anyone who has ever watched sadly as their soup trickled out of the spork knows this to be a fact!  With many faults and few uses, it is certain that this "utensil" must be some sort of elaborate scheme for the downfall of the human race! In conclusion, the next time someone presents you with a spork, decline it!   The future of the world and culinary eatery depend on it!  And, for those of you who have been exceedingly fortunate and have never come in contact with this sinister utensil, I have included a picture of the device in different styles.  This should assist you guarding yourself against its every disguise.  Until next time, stay safe and join the anti-spork revolution! 
Factum Est
 Zuri Sophilia Walker


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